Yes!

The Ahern's have their own beautiful, gluten-free recipe book coming out, and it looks gorgeous!

Check-out their post at Gluten-Free Girl and the Chef
AND
Pre-order the book at Amazon.com

It's just not right

There are a lot of fucked up things in this world, and most of the time there is not much you can do about it. Today, I heard something that really grated me.

I was making conversation with an academically brilliant student in my AS Biology class about her plans for varsity next year. She happens to be from Pakistan and, at some point, her equally brilliant sister joined the conversation.

Frame of reference: both sisters are stunningly beautiful, with flawless skin, long hair, big eyes, long eye-lashes to cry for and fantastic outspoken personalities. Both do alarmingly well with an otherwise challenging syllabus, for the most part, across the board in both sciences and humanities.

But here's the crux - it's not going to do them one iota of good.

Their dad is taking them back to Pakistan at the end of the year, and has made it clear that while he will pay for them to graduate tertiary education, they should then expect a short-term future of a job chosen by him for them ONLY until a marriage can be arranged for them; and then a long-term future of tending to their husband and in-laws every need without complaint; babies and housework. Full-stop.

Ambitions be damned, he has shown them a Westernised society in South Africa for the past three years, where girls (for the most part - traditional black culture aside where attitudes about relationships are sometimes equally fucked-up) are allowed to choose love/education/careers that THEY want.

Now, one sister is slightly darker-skinned and (I'm guessing) around a size 12. She is shunned by her aunties as too fat and too dark. Despite her amazing looks, brilliant mind and wonderful sense of humour, she is apparently viewed as common and difficult to marry off. Ironically, she has resigned herself to the fact of what her future holds, marrying whatever man will take her, because of her innate belief that she will be able to make the best of the circumstances.

Her sister, on the other hand, is light-skinned and (again, guessing) around a size 8. She is doted upon by her aunties and is seen as the favourite for whatever she wants. Ironically, she wants none of it. She finds the attitudes of Pakistani men to be deplorable, with their need to control their wives in servitude and their in-laws ruling your every move. She wants more out of life, but doesn't know how to move out from the boundaries of her culture to get it...and it is so sad.

They went on to explain that women who are unmarried in Pakistan very often end up going insane, and that the men (who shun them for not marrying) will then take advantage of them sexually when their faculties fail. Likewise, for those women who cannot stand the abuse from husbands whose demands no longer scare them and end up divorcing, an equally disturbing future lies in wait (in my student's words: "The men demand sex in the marriage, and the women are legally bound to give it. As they age, the women don't give in as much to the men's demands, so the men get frustrated and start hitting the women. If women complain, they are beaten. If they divorce, only the women are shunned by their communities AND their families. The men are free to remarry.")

Excuse me but WHAT THE FUCK?!

At this point in the conversation, looking at these two talented, beautiful young women standing in front of me that have so much potential to do whatever they want, I promptly burst out crying (granted, I would usually get angry on their behalf, but I'm feeling sick so instead I cry).
The one sister gave me a hug, the other apologised for making me cry.
I looked at her with disbelief and said: "I'm the one who is sorry...that those are the futures you've been given to look forward to despite wanting more out of your lives".

So I did the only thing I could when faced with such a phenomenal cultural divide: told the sister resigned to marry that I'd pray she'd end up with a GOOD man for a husband, and encouraged the outraged sister to seek out full scholarships/ sponsorship by applying to universities BEFORE leaving South Africa.

At the end of the day, you can't fight a culture or their deeply held beliefs (which is why wars started on ideals wishing to change these things rarely succeed). Instead, it has to be an insurrection from within the culture, which stems the tide of change.

Pon farr

Weekend blog link love

It's Friday, or as I first spelled it after too much caffeine and before a spell-check: "Firday".

Sending you some linky-love (linky, people, not kinky) for the weekend ahead.

For gluten-free yumminess:

• Check out Iris's waffle recipes (pic below) over at The Daily Dietribe

• And Naomi's baking up a brownie storm (pic below) over at Straight Into Bed Cakefree and Dried

If all you need is love:

• Shauna James Ahern is sharing some with a beautiful post over at Gluten-Free Girl and the Chef

If you're short on cute, small & human or cute, small & furry:

• Head on over to *e* to fill-up on the gorgeousness.
  

Have a great weekend peeps!

A "Jane" by (m)any other name(s)...

My top ten list-a-Janes...

1. Admiral Kathryn Janeway (former Captain of the Starfleet starship, USS Voyager);
2. Patrick Jane (consultant to the CBI in The Mentalist);
3. Fun with Dick and Jane (movie with Jim Carrey and Tea Leoni);
   
4. Jane Austen (English novelist);
5. Jane Eyre (novel by Charlotte Bronte which took me WAY too long to read in first year varsity English lit);
6. Jane Goodall (chimpanzee researcher);
7. Sweet Jane (my fave cover by the Cowboy Junkies);
8. Jane Lynch (wicked funny comedian currently on show in Glee);
9. Jane Fonda (Barbarella 4-eva-eva);
10. Jane Seymour (the oh so chaste Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, who has apparently found her wilder movie side as she's aging).
    

Break on through to the other side

Gotta love The Doors, right?

It's weird being on the other side of an experience you never knew how you'd get through.

Since caring for someone with a terminal illness can be all-consuming, it's taken me a while to even know what I just liked to do in spare time anymore.

Gardening till I got blisters was immensely helpful in externalising painful emotions. As was sitting for mind-numbing hours in front of the TV watching nothing in particular. Eventually, hints of what I felt like doing trickled through.

Learning how to mosaic has become a favourite. There is something immensely gratifying about creating a work of art from hundreds of shards of porcelain. You're putting together the pieces, in a manner of speaking.

Baking for tastebud-pleasure also re-emerged once my appetite did.

Not avoiding crowds anymore (as an ode to sucking the proverbial marrow out of life) has also led to some cool new experiences - expo's and markets visited, concerts watched and even braving a world cup soccer match!

Mourning is a bit like having a veil drawn over your life. Once it's lifted, the clarity with which you see things has changed. And since there are so many doors you can choose to walk through, you've kinda got to just keep on keepin' on.

Find peace, our little man.

Schatzi Miteff
15 March 2004 - 17 May 2010

You've taught us to face life with fierce intensity,
and to make moments matter.

You were so loved.

You'll be missed.

Our Schatzi

Six years ago, a few weeks after our wedding (and after a few episodes of the 70s show), we purchased a tiny dachshund puppy and called him Schatzi. He is the furry light of our lives, a surrogate quadruped only-child with an eccentric personality brought on by being raised by two highly eccentric human parents.

He is a true delight to be around, fiercely protective of those he loves, and owner of the cutest over-sized, wrinkled front paws; velvety snout and soft ears. After he takes naps in the sun, the top of his furry head smells like sunshine.

To our great and unmeasurable grief, he has just been diagnosed with lymphoma. So, dear readers, I'm going to be taking a blogging/internet break to live in the moment, cherishing every precious moment with our little boy that I can.

We have him on the best raw diet, supplements, homeopathy and cortisone treatment available, but have decided not to subject him to the endless vet visits, needles and pain that chemotherapy would entail. As a very humane vet we know told us:
"Dogs live in the moment. They can't understand why they are in pain."
So we've decided to focus on keeping him as healthy as possible for as long as possible, and to just make whatever doggily days he has here on earth as fantastic as possible!

We don't know what the future holds - we're hoping beyond all hopes that he will be one of those cases that confounds medical knowledge by living way beyond his prognosis. And we're praying that if there's a sausage-shaped miracle to be handed out by God, that it'll be Schatzi's for the taking.

Join us in that fervent prayer for him, please.

My Butternut-Chickpea Hummus Recipe

My fave post-work snack!

Ingredients:

• 1 small baked butternut
• 1 tin chickpeas
• 1 tblsp olive oil
• 1 tblsp water
  
• salt
• cumin

Method:

1. Zhoesh ingredients together in a food processor.
2. Serve on brown rice cakes with butter lettuce.
   

Aubergine Flower

1 - Slice.

2 - Fry in a little olive oil till soft (about 5 mins each side)
and sprinkle with salt.

3 - Serve as a flower with a centre of pesto
and a pollen dusting of Danish feta.